My yoga practice saved my life...
No but seriously it did.
Who I was 3 years ago wouldn’t recognize the woman I am today.
She was so so lost. Consumed with consumerism, alcohol and drug consumption, excessive dating.
She was constantly moving, not towards anything special on the horizon but away from everything — her demons, her past, her present.
Before yoga I was alone.
Constantly surrounded by others but always feeling isolated. I was trying to fill my void(s) with everything and anything outside of myself.
Then, I found yoga.
I selfishly began practicing yoga because I thought my long-distance running for exercise was “making me fat.” So I bought an intro offer at a local hot yoga studio back home in NY.
I had no idea how spiritual yoga was, what spirituality even was, and definitely could not have told you what the hell a “savasana” was.
My first class I nearly fainted from heat and I stepped outside. My teacher followed me out of the room later on when students were holding a pose. She looked at me and said “you need to stay in the room, even if you feel faint. It’s important for you to stay with the energy in the room. Don’t hide yourself.”
Right then I knew I had found something really special.
And so, my yoga practice began. I began practicing practically every day, staying-in Friday nights to go to a 7pm class and rest for the 6am on Saturday. I started researching crystals, then chakras, then meditations.
And of course it was pretty freaking messy at first. My body took time to adjust to me loving it. I remember one class in particular I was SLIDING all over my mat because I was so sweaty. So I stepped off my class then SLID almost into a split during a wide-legged forward fold (my teacher had to cue me specifically out of it in front of the whole class. Lol. )
When I moved to San Diego, before I did anything else I signed up for a yoga studio down the street from my house, where I ended up doing my Yoga Teacher Training. There, again, I practiced pretty much every day or whenever I could.
And of course “life got in the way” again, I took a long break (longest was six months) and found myself back in that space ready to learn more, and teach others.
Yoga is like your twin flame, your soulmate. — You think you’re done with it. You focus on other things. And then one morning (like today) it hits you — you roll out your mat and start again.
I always think back to who I was back then, before my yoga practice.
I sometimes wonder if I would’ve ever made it — if I would’ve recovered from an eating disorder (my yoga practice helped me reconnect to my body, and encouraged me to find help and treatment), if I would’ve ever committed to MYSELF and taken a year off from dating of any kind, if I would’ve found my spiritual practice, if I would’ve moved to San Diego, if I would’ve ever unpeeled those layers of my being that weren’t me.
Every single time I chose yoga over drugs, meditation over alcohol, faith over fear and unconditional love and compassion for myself over hatred and self-sabotage I heal not only myself but those around me. And it feels really freaking good.
Lately I’ve been focusing on my biz, school and teaching so much so I’ve neglected my personal practice. Yesterday I left an audition at a new studio so grounded and so peaceful.
This morning I woke up with a headache and my instinct was to take some medication and drink coffee like I might’ve in the past. But this time, I’m stronger. Now, I‘m wiser.
And so I followed my intuition and wrote this, and next I will turn on some funky-jams and allow myself to practice.