This morning I found myself lingering on my phone, getting sucked into the rabbit hole of Instagram after my morning meditation.
Lately I’ve been really big on waiting a couple of hours after waking up to check my phone, and finding solstice in journaling, reading or working out before starting my day.
And it was funny because in some ways looking at my phone felt really 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯. Scrolling through Instagram felt 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭. And when the cycle of comparison began to start, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 felt normal too.
𝘞𝘰𝘸, 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭. I thought. 𝘞𝘰𝘸, 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭. I imagined.
I imagined how her morning routine was — how she probably woke up at 4 am and curled her lashes, the lavish things she may have in her home. The whirlwind lifestyle of a successful female entrepreneur she may have.
I stopped scrolling for a moment and closed my eyes. I asked myself — 𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦? 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?
I thought long and hard for just a moment, answering those questions. I realized where the comparison came from — insecurities I’ve had about my own lashes, lifestyle and Instagram.
I took it a step further, and allowed my jealousy to turn into admiration.
Ladies, we have been 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗱 to compete with one another.
We have been told that our goal in life is to find a husband, and there are a select few worth having.
The ones worth having will never settle for 𝘺𝘰𝘶, as you naturally are.
So, to win the attention of a man (which you will know is happening because he is trying to conquer you or is pursuing you, fiercely, as men “should”) a woman must 𝘺𝘦𝘴, curl her lashes, but 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 — be independent, be motivated, be driven, but be soft, and care for her pursuer. She must be completely forgiving, always, patient, quiet, and never, 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙 be upset, angry, or impatient.
And God forbid she doesn’t want to curl her lashes.
Unfortunately, the conditioning already happened.
The fact that I even painted that picture with a woman and men in a heterosexual relationship?
Being 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 doesn’t mean that goes away.
We have a misperception of what 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 means in our society today.
Being 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 doesn’t mean you’ll wake up every morning feeling full of “yes world, I’m 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 bitch-type-energy.”
What it means is when you find yourself in that cycle of comparison, when your conditioning begins to take over your consciousness, you’ll notice it...
Realize what it actually is, and let it go.
Ladies there never was, and never will be, a “𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺” to be a woman, besides being 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻.
And being human means being imperfect, being human is actually kind of messy.
But find 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 in THAT. Find 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 in honoring and loving every part of yourself. Find confidence in your dark sides, too.
This is where true 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 is found — in the stillness, in the quiet, in loving and accepting the parts of you that aren’t so pretty.
Eyelashes, and all.
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