Black coffee tastes so so good sometimes, actually all of the time.
Perspective shapes our reality, this I know. I have learned to look at my pain, my suffering and change the lenses of my glasses to interpret sorrow as beauty, gray as indigo and a cold dewy morning as a warm vibrant sunset.
And yet sometimes I struggle. Fear arises. When things seem to be too good to be true, when things seem to be going "too well," the mind creates elaborate stories of potential realities using the set, director and cast from past traumatic experiences.
And with this faulty perspective, we succumb to fear, feeding into the viscous cycle of fantasizing our story playing out in the 3D. Maybe how we will react, maybe even how we will overcome it and move on.
This, of course, is dangerous. Sure, over time we can change our perceptions with neurolinguistic programming or meditation. Through those activities we can actually re-wire the neuroplasticity of our brains to create new neural pathways of thoughts, and since our thoughts shape our reality, we can then change our 3D reality to be more "positive," thus becoming not only a new avenue but a new arena for growth.
Now, while we work on the long-term task of altering our perception, we can change our perspective immediately. We have control over our minds, believe it or not.
Patanjali defines yoga as "quieting the mind-stuff." Choosing to quiet the mind-stuff is a decision we can actively choose every second of every minute of every day. When we see or experience something unpleasant, we can choose to pause and analyze it from a new perspective before allowing a memory or sensory experience to store in our brain, creating a negative neuropathway which would lead to more suffering, only creating a new trigger for our negative emotions.
We see this most with children who experience trauma. Obviously, most children aren't raised with an awareness that their thoughts or perspectives alter their reality.
Growing up my mother was going through a rough time and would sometimes have explosive episodes. One time she had decided the house was haunted and hired a medium to come over and sage the home.
At the time I was around 12 or so and my room was my oasis, my personal space and my safe space. I expressed to her that I didn't want her to come into my room with the sage. My reaction triggered her and she exploded with rage, asking me what I had been hiding, suggesting I was possessed by a devil and hitting me with a broom.
I'm sharing this story with you to show you how we can change our perspectives to disallow traumatic memories to store in our minds and reveal themselves later in life.
Looking back on that memory, if had the knowledge and tools I do now, I would've seen how that series of events was all trauma-based.
My mother frequently consumed alcohol, so she may have been intoxicated. She did have a genuine fear that bad energy was in the home.
Finances were rough, we didn't know if or when we'd lose our home. And my parents' marriage was unstable and unpredictable.
She believed that by cleansing the negative energy, maybe she could have control over her life again and provide a better home and environment for her husband and children whom she ultimately loved.
Being afraid, she saw me as defiant without a cause. She did not ask why I felt how I did. Fearful of what she could not control, she was nervous and probably realizing that as I was developing into the woman I am today, she could not control me anymore.
So she reacted in the way she had always known, in the way her body decided to — with a fight or flight response.
My mother's alcohol consumption was not something I realized I carried with me as traumatic until about a year ago, when I realized I had been abusing alcohol and chose to stop consuming it.
Something I'm working on is noticing my triggers.
The other evening I was at my boyfriend's house and noticed he had a few drinks.
My stomach fell, my palms began sweating. My inner-child had stored memories of experiences like the one I just described and the scene triggered a physical response from me.
Clearly he could tell something was wrong and at first when he asked I froze. I decided to stop and analyze where it was coming from,
I determined that I too had fears of the unknown. I felt out of control. But I chose to stop those fears and change my perspective of the situation. i realized and rationalized that having a couple of drinks was normal, and that he would not react in the same way my mother had.
I expressed this all to him and he met me with understanding and comfort, something I'm grateful for.
Look, yes we can change our perception over time with a lot of work, and I think we should definitely aim to do so.
But something we can do RIGHT NOW is change our perspective. Through svadhyaya or self-study, we can identify our triggers from moments where we didn't know this, and alchemize them into more tools for growth, expansion and connection.
On 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴...
Let’s face it. Sometimes we just don’t know what to say.
We create these visions of ourselves and hold ourselves to their standards — how to dress, how to act, how to speak.
We visualize scenarios in our heads as our minds and egos make stories of what 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 happen and what we will say in that moment.
Do you remember the last time you were in a group discussion, business meeting or at a dinner-party? Do you remember a situation where individuals around you spoke one at a time, and you knew you would have to speak eventually.
Were you listening to what everyone else was saying...or were you thinking about what 𝘠𝘖𝘜 would share when you got the microphone?
It’s human nature to do this — to let our minds wander off, losing themselves within a labyrinth of intricate thoughts and elaborate potential plot-lines. We imagine what it is we will say, how others will react.
We even rehearse what it is we will say in our heads, editing the words, phrases and even our verbal pronunciations.
But maybe, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘖𝘒 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴.
Maybe, being speechless is actually beautiful.
When you’re fully present with whatever is going on around you, your mind is peacefully empty.
Have trust that you will say what is needed to be said when it is also needed to be heard, knowing that if no words come out at all — it’s OK to be speechless.
There’s a lot you can say without speaking.
#UltravioletThoughts #Ultraviolet #Thoughts #Ultraviolet #UltravioletAsana #Writing #Yoga #Spiritual #Spirituality#Consciousness #SourceMessage #FemaleHustler #Mindfulness#Manifestation #LawofAttraction #AbrahamHicks #AlanWatts#Philosophy #TheCosmos #Universe #spiritual #love #spirituality #meditation #spiritualawakening #yoga #ChicanoPark #BarrioLogan
I think oftentimes in life we get tunnel-vision. We spend our lives searching for meaning, searching for our 𝘸𝘩𝘺, trying to decide on an 𝘦𝘯𝘥-𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 or destination for our journey.
And while I think setting goals and aiming to achieve them is healthy, productive and “good,” I think if we become too focused on our perceived goal we miss out on all of the transformational magic interlaced within the journey to it.
I chose to do my 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training following a traumatic brain injury and career change, during a tumultuous time in my journey. I was working part time, going to school full time and doing YTT all while recovering from my injury and handling other health concerns.
And all the while I was feeling really motivated, really focused on my 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 of teaching yoga regularly in a private studio. I did the “work” — the journaling, the meditating, the reading, the visualizations —
But at the end of my training, I was told I wasn’t ready to teach yet. My teachers were explaining to me the simple things I should adjust before teaching a public class along with the simple fact that at the time I was generally an inexperienced yoga practitioner — even stating that I would be a great yoga teacher and they wanted to continue working with me on my practice.
But I didn’t see that. I didn’t see the magic of the journey I was about to go on. I couldn’t see how much I would grow as a yogi, teacher, student and individual. I couldn’t see how much my practice and devotion to the divine and my higher-self would grow in those few months of extra training.
I couldn’t see how the idea for Ultraviolet would come to me during a yoga class in svasana, with tears rolling down my face. Or how ideas for class-plans would start coming to me in the check-out line at the grocery store. I couldn’t see that I would end up with the blessing to teach, teaching a donation class and raising $400 for a charity. I couldn’t see the deepening of connections with those around me as I began to shed the skin of who I once was —physically and mentally— to create space for who I am now.
Goal-setting is important, yes. But don’t let tunnel-vision blind you from the beauty of the present moment. There is so much magic in the journey, if you allow yourself to tap into it your end destination may just change into somewhere more beautiful, more 𝘜𝘭𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘵, than you ever imagined.
#UltravioletThoughts #Ultraviolet #Thoughts #Ultraviolet #UltravioletAsana #Writing #Yoga #Spiritual #Spirituality#Consciousness #SourceMessage #FemaleHustler #Mindfulness#Manifestation #LawofAttraction #AbrahamHicks #AlanWatts#Philosophy #TheCosmos #Universe #spiritual #love #spirituality #meditation #spiritualawakening #yoga #Athleta #BalboaPark#SDYoga #200YTT
Around 7 months ago I woke up on a cold concrete floor.
There were at least 10 people circled around me. I tried to lift my head but felt the warm palms of a stranger's hands cradling the back of my skull.
"Don't move" he said.
I began crying and screaming out, not knowing what had happened. Not knowing why someone was yelling that I could die because this stranger lifted my head. Not knowing why my friend was talking to a 9-1-1 dispatcher above me or why my other one was crying.
I remembered being hungry and wanting pizza. That whole night I had a strange feeling something was going to happen. I went to class, work, the gym and went out with friends. I had recently stopped going out but decided to step out for a friend's birthday, decided to switch things up.
But the whole night there was this constant chatter of ruminating thoughts playing in my head and it was almost as if all of the violinists in the orchestra within my head were hitting their melodic climax. I remember ordering pizza and being really annoyed with the cashier as he took a long time to explain what a "grandma slice" was.
I asked the EMTs on the scene if I was going to die. I had this unshakable fear that I might die, but I knew deep down my time wasn't up. No one would answer me. It was in the moment I was being wheeled into a stretcher that a firefighter looked at me in the eye. I asked him if I was going to die and told him "I had a lot of things to do,"
"Of course you're not going to die sweetie you're going to be fine," he grinned and hopped out of the ambulance.
It doesn't take a genius to acknowledge that our lives are compilations of our experiences. We can't arrive at our destination without taking X mode of transportation to get there. But we do have certain "tower" experiences we carry with us.
My life so far has pretty much been a series of those tower experiences.
I remember struggling a lot in adolescence. I was always searching for something more. Always feeling connected to something larger than myself. Always running towards the next thing. From an early age I felt like I was ready to go. I've always had this restlessness with an unnameable cause.
As I began running towards some mysterious and undefined goal, the universe began throwing in some "roadblocks" for me to hurdle over. Fighting and abuse in the home, financial insecurity, a feeling or perception of lack of approval from peers and parents; depression and anxiety which later manifested into an eating disorder.
But, roadblocks are not closed-doorways. They're actually beautifully decorated, open gateways to new hallways you never even thought of walking down.
A few tower moments later I was a journalist on Long Island. I was driving to cover a sporting event driving down the Long Island Sound when I slammed into the car in front of me.
Instead of hitting the break, I hit the gas. My car began pushing into me one inch at a time, and with each moment of contraction I became more and more aware of one pressing question — how did I get here?
I decided to move to California. I applied for a few jobs and was hired right away as a college student for a paid position at a newspaper. I said yes, worked day and night for three months, donated most of my possessions and drove across the country in three days flat.
When you're in alignment with the universe the tower moments stay at bay as they truly only exist to bring you into alignment with your predetermined path.
I believe we raise our hands and volunteer before we start this human experience. We set intentions, as we do in our yoga practice, for what it is we will accomplish on Earth. What it is we will accomplish in this particular lifetime.
And for some, the journey to that self-actualization is smooth but for others, it takes one, two, or a lifetime of tower moments to show them the right path.
I was wheeled into that MRI with tears streaming down my face, shaking. Not knowing if I had cracked my skull, not knowing what caused me to lose consciousness in the first place, not knowing how I would pay my bills if I was injured or how I would live my life if I had permanent brain damage.
And yet I felt so calm, as I placed one hand on my belly and the other on my heart. A gesture I had done many times before in my yoga practice.
I still wonder how colorful my brain looked in that MRI that night as I drew attention to my inhales entering my body and exhales leaving it.
In that moment I made a decision to change. To actually allow the bricks of my unstable tower to crumble down. To flow with life instead of crash against it.
A month or so later I quit my job as a journalist and enrolled in a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training Program.
Since graduating YTT in May I have been meditating on my journey, my growth and my future.
How can I use my education and couple of years of experience in journalism and media to spread knowledge, wisdom & insight?
How can I use these tools — my Upaya or “skillful means,” to help others self-actualize?
I can live ultravioletly- without boundaries. Living ultravioletly means always consciously choosing love, light and healing to help others on their life path.
My tools? Yoga, philosophy, curiosity and love.
Ultraviolet Asana is a personalized yoga plan created for you based off of what your energetic and physical needs are. Utilizing Ultraviolet Asana YouTube videos, unique and hand-crafted journaling prompts and meditations I will create a personalized monthly calendar for you to begin or deepen your yoga practice.
Through yoga and mediation I hope you are able to avoid those tower moments and bring yourself back to that intention you set for this lifetime however long ago you were born. My intentions for this program are to provide you the space and tools to overcome perceived obstacles and barriers — energetically and physically — and help reroute you to your true path.
With love, with light, with courage and vulnerability. Ultravioletly.
I remember sitting in a cafe on Long Island with a laptop and being approached by this young man. He asked me if I remembered taking a chemistry class with him and when I said no, he sat down next to me anyways.
He started asking me personal questions and trying to get to know me — he seemed really interested in my goals, aspirations and journey.
About 10 minutes into talking a young woman came up and joined us. I asked if the two of them were dating and she laughed and said they were brother and sister.
She then began talking to me about their church and how they worshiped God together. She told me that they imagined us all as humans on billions of individual roads. She said that in her world, in “God’s world,” there was no need for competition, greed or worry — because everyone was on their own journey.
It’s funny to make the connection now, almost five years later, between what she was saying and the concept of self-actualization.
I believe that the greatest gift you can give to yourself and those around you is being yourself. Really truly being yourself.
When you are truly being yourself, you can self-actualize allowing you to reach your highest potential of being in this lifetime.
Have you ever heard the phrase “do what you love and you’ll be the best at it?”
I believe we are born with an inherent sense, a 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨, of what it is we came to Earth to do. But as we age, we begin to either cover completely or alter that picture of our potential in our minds and in our external reality.
As a consequence, a lot of us live a life we don’t love so much.
Get vulnerable with yourself. Grab a journal & a pen. Vision yourself on a beach, toes in the sand, sea-breeze in your hair. Vision yourself running freely, smiling brightly.
What are you doing professionally? Where are you headed? What are your values?
Find that thing that lights you up. Find that thing that keeps you up at night and gets you out of bed in the morning. Find that thing you can’t stop thinking about — then get out there and do it. The universe has your back. ✨
There is beauty In the moments of quiet
There is beauty in the down-time. The meditation. The moment of quiet which exists between awaking and arising in the morning.
The moment your head hits your pillow, your eyes close and your mind drifts off.
There is beauty in the quiet moments
Allow yourself some moments of quiet
Turn off your TV, iPhone and computer and Tune into yourself. It is in the moments of quiet that the essence of your true self is revealed to you. ❤️
#UltravioletThoughts #Ultraviolet #Thoughts #Writing #Yoga #Spiritual #Spirituality #Consciousness #SourceMessage #FemaleHustler #Mindfulness #Manifestation #LawofAttraction #AbrahamHicks #AlanWatts #Philosophy #TheCosmos #Universe #spiritual #love #spirituality #meditation #spiritualawakening #yoga #UltravioletAsana
When I originally reached out to a photographer about getting my photos taken I was super nervous.
I had created this story in my head — several stories — about the whole thing. The first story was that people who had photo shoots done were narcissistic and by doing so I would be too.
The second story I created was that I wasn’t “good enough” to have my photos taken. I wasn’t “hot” or conventionally “sexy,” therefore I wasn’t the type of person who should model for photos.
Another story I created in my head was that I had to alter my physical appearance before doing the pictures. I had to wear a full face of makeup, straighten my hair and buy a whole new wardrobe before I met up with him.
I decided to journal and talk to friends and family about it before I reached out — their response? I am a new professional, why not get new photos taken to represent that career change?
I also knew deep down that it’s 2019 and in order to share my words & thoughts I need to have beautiful captivating images to reel people in...
And, finally, I realized — I could just show up as myself. The past few weeks I haven’t been wearing makeup and I’ve been wearing my hair naturally, and it’s funny how many people have asked me how old I am (because I look so young to them without makeup on) or what nationality I am.
But for me, going natural has a whole other meaning that I’ll have to explain in another post. So here I am makeup-less with bags under my eyes and a bloated PMS belly at 6am at my favorite hiking spot...
The purpose of this post is to encourage you to STOP CREATING STORIES IN YOUR HEAD! Stop trapping yourself in a box of things you can’t/can or should/shouldn’t do. You are a multidimensional being.
Additionally, you are so so so worthy of everything beautiful in this world. You are worthy of running through flower fields and taking photos if you want. You are worthy of that $6 Kombucha drink if you want. You are worthy of sitting at that table with those you look up to and if there’s no seat available, pull up a chair.
You are wholeheartedly so worthy of it all — just the way you are. Enjoy your week. 💕✨
The other night I was feeling really down. I've been preparing to teach my first "legit" yoga class this upcoming weekend and I needed to practice. Her and I went to a gorgeous beach where we had to walk down a cliff and past train-tracks. It was one of my favorite spots, one I hadn't been to in a while. And, although I was at one of my favorite places, with one of my favorite people, doing one of my favorite things — I couldn't focus. I couldn't be present. I couldn't relax into the present moment and enjoy it. Instead, I got so down on myself for accidentally cuing the right foot instead of the left in a sequence, that I gave up.
Her and I had a heart-to-heart conversation after. I finally caved-in. I realized I had been avoiding my emotions, fears and anxieties by filling my schedule with perceived "tasks," leaving no free time for myself.
Burnout, lack of gratitude, confusion and above all else a loss of touch with the magic of the present-moment.
Last night I did a heart-chakra meditation, did some journaling and reflected. I cried, a lot. I visualized myself doing what I love, teaching yoga. I visualized myself helping others. I visualized myself laughing and smiling brightly.
And this morning I woke up feeling a little different. A little lighter. The flat tire on my way to work this morning (typical Mercury Retrograde!!) couldn't dim my shine.
GRATITUDE!! GRATITUDE!! GRATITUDE!!
Here are 5 ways you can ground-down into the present moment and rediscover joy using gratitude:
1. Leave the victim mentality at the door. Remember, the universe is on your side. Every "missed opportunity," is really an answer to a prayer or wish. You are not a victim of this life, you are actually a victor, so lucky to be given it.
2. Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. Get out a journal, pen & paper or the notes app on your phone. Visualize where you were one, two, three or four years ago. Think back to every moment which lead up to this one, every stepping stone you took to bring you to this point. Realize how far you've come. Every time you wanted to give up, you didn't. And even if there were moments where you slipped, you picked yourself up and kept walking. Find gratitude in your resilience.
3. Thank those who have helped you along your journey. Don't just write a list of those who you are thankful for, actually verbally thank them. Reach out to your friends, family, loved ones, co-workers and cheer-leaders and express gratitude for their involvement in your journey.
4. Smell the roses. Enjoy the small-stuff. Buy yourself some flowers at the market, or stop and look at the trees on the sidewalk. Look up at the sky above you when you walk into work. Go to the beach on your lunch-break. Eat the damn chocolate or drink the glass of wine. Laugh. Cry. Laugh again. Live your life, really truly live it.
5. Open up, connect, "tune-in." Make eye contact with the people you come across each day. Smile! Ask the cashier how his/her/their day is going. Thank the janitor you see in the hallway of your building. Say hello to the man who sits next to you at the lunch-counter. Get to know people on a deeper-level. Invite and initiate soul-conversations with others. Ask people about what makes their eyes light up, what makes them passionate, what they have gratitude for. Realize that we all have so much to be grateful for.
That’s something Oprah Winfrey has become famous for saying, the premise and basis of her “SuperSoul Conversations” podcast.
And... it’s SO TRUE. I was listening to a tarot reader on YouTube (Simone Ascending) and she said that before we chose to have this human-experience, we were a little seedling of consciousness with a specific purpose or mission.
Then, we volunteered to have a human experience and actualize that purpose or mission in our external reality.
Most of us spend our lives trying to figure out what that purpose or mission is. I’d say we are all born with that deep knowing coming from an intuitive voice or “inner guru,” but most of us are conditioned to ignore it.
One way we could be conditioned to ignore it is through societal standards, familiar chords/pressure or attachments to material objects.
And so we spend our lifetime trying to figure it all out. We go to school and study various subjects, we work various jobs. And what happens is when we chose something that’s not a part of our plan, the universe throws us obstacles or challenges to bring us in alignment with what our true calling is.
THAT’S why every “curse” is really a blessing. THAT’S why people say “everything happens for a reason.” Because, in reality it does.
So when you’re feeling out of place, when you’re struggling finding your purpose, when you’re feeling like you’re at a dead-end, when the door is locked and you keep trying to open it — pause. Realize that if the universe didn’t need you you wouldn’t be here. Then, try another door.
Watch what happens.
#UltravioletThoughts #Ultraviolet #Thoughts #Writing #Yoga #Spiritual #Spirituality #Consciousness #SourceMessage #FemaleHustler #Mindfulness #Manifestation #LawofAttraction #AbrahamHicks #AlanWatts #Philosophy #TheCosmos #Universe #spiritual #love #spirituality #meditation #spiritualawakening #yoga #healing #peace #consciousness #life #energy #god #awakening #soul #spirit #wisdom #chakras #selflove #faith #motivation #art #inspiration #crystals #nature #tarot #Oprah #SuperSoul #SuperSoulConversations
I had such an amazing time at my first Alpha Women Impact Event on Thursday night.
A huge THANK YOU to my friend Nafiska for inviting me to come with her, Iva Velkosvska for setting up a beautiful, welcoming and intimate space for soul conversation and connection; Shira kane for reminding us that “inclusivity” is more than just a buzz-word and Rebecca Boatman for making us dive deep on what it is we want in a romantic partner/partnership, and what obstacles we place in our way to attracting them.
My Takeaways from Iva:
My Takeaways from Shira:
Throughout my two and a half years of going to college on Long Island I struggled a lot with being exposed to a lot of different political viewpoints. I was raised in a majority white neighborhood, but racism was sparse. In general, my neighborhood was made of mostly upper middle class white people who loved L.L.Bean moccasins, Dave Matthews Band & Bernie Sanders.
When I moved to Long Island I was exposed to racism and prejudice for the first time. Of course, not everyone on Long Island is racist. But did you know that the area where dejure segregation is most prominent in the U.S. is Nassau County?
I attended several political rallies during my time on Long Island in the city as a student journalist. I really struggled with understanding where I fit into the landscape. I was actually kicked out of a party for writing an article saying Black Lives Matter.
And something that really confused me then, and still does, is the reluctance of some individuals to simply just sit and listen to one another and what they have to say.
As a student reporter at the time I felt I had built a pretty solid reputation just from listening to people without interruption. At first it was hard to listen to the opinions or beliefs of others which differed so greatly from mine, but I realized later on that it was essential for me to develop my own belief systems and know how to communicate them with those around me in a respectful way.
So, if we stand up and show up for marginalized groups — while also listening to those who disagree with us — and also listening to those who have been hurt by our words and actions — MAYBE we can create a more harmonious world. Can’t hurt to try, right?
My biggest takeaways from Rebecca:
#Ultraviolet #UltravioletThoughts #Writing #Instagram #SDYoga #Yoga #200YT #Inclusivity #Community #AlphaWomenImpact #RebeccaBoatman #Relationships #SpiritualRelationships #Blog #Blogger #Writer #Spirituality #Wellness #Health #Interconnectedness #Connection #Broadway #BroadwayMakersQuarter